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Okay, I can honestly see how someone could get a case of road rage. Seriously. With a 120 mile work commute every day at some point or another a driver is going to irritate me, but last night was RIDICULOUS. GRRRRRR. 

So, there I am, heading from work on my way to my daughter’s basketball practice. And well, I got stuck behind someone doing 40 MPH in a 55 MPH zone. I was getting a tad bit miffed. Especially since it was a pickup truck and they kept riding the centerline so I couldn’t see to get around.

But, I figured, “Okay, I can deal with this. I’ll just be running a little late.”

Then comes the DB (douche bag) behind me. He’s riding my tail. I’m of course muttering to myself “I can’t go any faster, hello, someone in front of me.”

Of course, DB can’t hear. But now comes the part where this jack weed starts to tick me off.  He starts flashing his bright lights behind me.

WTF? Seriously. I have a truck in front of me that I CAN’T see to get around. And I’m sure he/she (truck in front of me) isn’t going to go any faster with you flashing your frickin brights in MY mirror.

DB does this a couple of times, then backs off. Then another mile or two down the road, DB gets on my tail again and starts to flash the lights again. At this point, I’m thinking if they don’t back off I’m so gonna slam on my brakes! But then, of course, I don’t want to do that because my car is only a year old and I don’t want it smashed up.

So DB now becomes A**hole, and A**hat (and a number of other unsavory naughty words).  So A-hole, formerly known as DB backs off once more. At this point, my heart rate is up and I’m tossing around cusswords like they’re going out of style (trust me, I came up with some inventive names for A-hole).

Once more, I try to see around the truck this time, I notice oncoming traffic.  And A-hole comes riding up on my butt once more. Again, with the bright lights. So, I touched my brakes and he backed off. I nearly, rolled down my wind to give him a friendly gesture, but then thought better of it. 

Eventually, I got around the truck and the other car got stuck behind him (hahahhaha). Serve’s him/her right!

So, here are the top five ways to give me (or someone else) road rage: And yes, A-hole, formerly known as DB this is for you…

5) Drive below the speed limit when the roads are clear and weather is good (some of us really want to get home). And if you don’t want to do speed limit, kindly take back roads (or pull the heck over so I can get around).

4) Swerve into my lane because you’re too busy talking on your flipping phone or texting. 

3) Whip out/pull out in front of me (when there’s no one behind me and you could’ve waited) then turn 1 road up (grrr). Really? I mean, you couldn’t wait for me to go by?

2) Go too fast for road conditions when it’s snowy/icy (um—do you not see all the cars in ditches—moron).  Why yes, I do see you have 4-wheel drive, but guess what? Ice + driving too fast= 4-wheel drive vehicle in the ditch.

1) And the number one way to give me a case of road rage? RIDE MY TAIL WHEN I’M ALREADY GOING OVER THE SPEED LIMIT or RIDE MY TAIL WHEN I CAN’T GO ANY FASTER BECAUSE THERE’S A CAR IN FRONT OF ME THEN FLASH YOUR FREAKING BRIGHT LIGHTS.

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Dear Mother Nature,

I’m a survivor. Your latest attempt to ruin my week has been thwarted. Snowmen attacks, crazed drivers who like to wave with their middle finger because I’m driving slow, icy roads, and dogs with snow balls hanging from their fur (which they like to shake off on my lap) didn’t stop me. It’s Friday, and it’s almost time for the weekend to start.

And yet I wonder, don’t you ever get tired of making my commutes twice as long, or snowing on my parade? You had all Christmas break to dump piles of your glittery, celestial flakes on my head. Two whole weeks, where I sat at home, nestled by the Christmas tree with nowhere to go. But NO, you wait until I get back to work to wreak havoc, and vomit your wintry mix on the roads. You’ve made every insane driver on the road my nemesis. People who drive too fast, and honk because I don’t want to drive 100 mph on ice. Or they drive too slow, really, 20 mph on the highway and me stepping on the brakes every two seconds to keep from becoming a part of the exhaust system of the car in front of me does not help my nerves. I see what you’re up to, Mother Nature. You and the weatherman (curses).

I might forgive you, if you give us a break here. Like, only one more snowstorm this season? Okay, I thought as much. Sigh. What’s that? Another storm, next week? Just for me?

Did I mention, I hate winter driving? Perhaps, Mother Nature, you should run more of a democracy and let the people vote on what kind of weather they want. Crisp autumn days, apple cider, scary movies. Ahh, I could handle that. Summer sun, feathery warm breezes and lounging by the pool with a book—definitely more my thing. Even better, Spring, snow melt, green grass. Did I mention no more snow?

What’s that? You don’t care what I want? And you hope my house turns into a snow cone? Well, Mother Nature you don’t have to be so snotty. See if I EVER write you a letter again.

Your Arch Nemesis,

Rebekah

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